


The Many Shenanigans of Dinesh and Gilfoyle

by onequartercanadian



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Crack, Drabble Collection, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, M/M, Mindless Fluff, Nerf Gun Battles, Nonsense, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Pranks, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Shenanigans, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, because it's fluff, doesn't take place at any particular time, nonsensical fluff and crack, office style pranks, quick writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-24 14:49:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21340003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onequartercanadian/pseuds/onequartercanadian
Summary: A collection of random one shots/drabbles that have no real continuity. I just wanted to write Dinesh and GIlfoyle pranking each other and getting into general trouble.
Relationships: Dinesh Chugtai/Bertram Gilfoyle
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	1. Drabbles (1)

**Author's Note:**

> Just some fluffy ideas I got from The Office, House, and various tumblr posts that I thought would make funny dinfoyle drabbles/one shots.

Dinesh was sitting at his workstation, focusing on his code. Although he was unintentionally distracting and annoying everyone around him. As part of his recent fitness kick, he was trying an exercise ball as a chair. 

He wouldn’t stop bouncing and rolling around on it.

“You should get one of these.”

Gilfoyle didn’t look up from his computer, “No.”

“Do you even know what this is? It is a fitness ball and it has completely changed my life. Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts.” Dinesh shakily bounced the ball over towards Gilfoyle’s desk.

“Done.”

Dinesh went on to praise the exercise ball, “This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core.” As he bounced and rolled around he knocked over some of the toys and trinkets on Gilfoyle’s desk. “Sorry.” Gilfoyle groaned, “Numerous health benefits, strengthens your back, better performance in sports, more enjoyable sex.”

“You're not having sex.” Gilfoyle retorted.

Dinesh continued, “Plus, improves your reflexes” He knocked over more things because he couldn’t keep still. ”See, I would have caught that.”

Gilfoyle groaned again, “Ok, you know what, how much is that?”

“It's only twenty-five bucks.”

Gilfoyle thought for a moment, “Yeah. Alright?” He grabbed the knife that was sitting on a recently used plate on his desk and drove it into the seam of the exercise ball making Dinesh plummet to the floor with alarming speed. 

Everyone turned to look at Dinesh and Gilfoyle. Dinesh scrunched his face as he laid unceremoniously on the hard floor. “Really?”

“Yes. I did everyone in this office a favor.”

* * *

* * *

* * *

Richard and Jared had to go to a tech conference that Richard was asked to speak at. They returned two days later and went straight to the office. 

“What the…?” Richard peered around the corner with Jared right behind to see about 3 dozen plastic tubs each full of hamsters. They came into the engine room and couldn’t believe what they saw. 

Several distinct workstations assembling what appeared to be plastic tubing. “Dinesh! Gilfoyle!” He walked through the crowd and saw his friends. “What the fuck?” That was the only way he could articulate his thoughts at the present moment.

“Hear us out!” Dinesh pleaded, “Gilfoyle and I were talking and one thing led to another which led to another and basically we wondered, ‘what if you ran tubes all around the engine room and put hamsters inside them?’ We’d call it Tube City.”

“No, I’ve told you, that’s a stupid name.” Gilfoyle retorted

Richard was standing there with a completely blank expression, just trying to comprehend the absurdity of what he just heard. “...Jared…”

“Yes?”

“Take care of this. Because honestly, I don’t want to know how they thought of this. How they got everyone else on board. And where the fuck did you get that many hamsters so quickly.” 

Richard just walked upstairs to his office, “I can’t leave you two for two days. Fuck.”

Jared walked over and said in a calm voice, “Yeah, let’s disassemble those tubes and call wherever you got the hamsters from and tell them you’re returning them.”


	2. Hostage Situation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinesh gets creative when Gilfoyle insists he doesn't need a team.

Gilfoyle went to fix some of the bugs in AI Gilfoyle and do some upgrades but he realized he no longer had access to AI Gilfoyle or anything using Son of Anton.

A receptionist past Gifoyle’s desk and dropped off an envelope that Gilfoyle immediately noticed his name was written in cut out letters from magazines.

“The fuck?” He opened the envelope and pulled out the paper inside. The message was “written” in cut and pasted letters from magazines. 

I have your AI. Tell no one. Await my instructions. 

At first Gilfoyle thought it was Tracy from HR giving him shit for not wanting to hire a team.  But he realized there was only person who would do this in this exact manner. 

He jumped from his chair and stormed over towards Dinesh’s desk and slammed down the letter. “Give it back”

Dinesh looked up from his code with a sarcastically innocent face, “What?”

“I know you restricted my access to Son of Anton.”

Dinesh glanced at the letter on his desk, “Oh wow. This kidnapper means business.” 

“Give it back now.” 

“Do you think that resting bitch face still works on me after all these years. Get something new. Ya boring.” Dinesh seemed proud of his insult.

“What the fuck do you want?”

Dinesh looked at the note in front of him, “Well this note says to wait for their instructions. So…”

Dinesh could tell Gilfoyle was losing his ever so thin patience. Gilfoyle’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He grabbed it and answered, “You fucking moron.”

The automated voice said, “I have Son of Anton. Do what I say and no one will get hurt. Contacting any law enforcement officials...or Richard...will be met with hostel-”

Gilfoyle hung up mid sentence, “Really? A spoofed call? Really?”

Dinesh gave him a cheeky smile, “I’m flattered you think I could pull off something like this.”

“It would only be you.” Gilfoyle retorted

“You should do what they want.”

“Well what do you want?”

“You hung up before the kidnapper could tell you his demands.”

Dinesh noticed Gilfoyle was _really_ at the edge of his patience and this wasn’t really funny anymore. “I would imagine they would want you to get 5-7 **_qualified_** coders to work under you.”

“I don’t need a team.”

“What about last week when you had that networking bug and you were bouncing ideas off the janitor?”

“I solved my bug.”

Dinesh gave Gilfoyle a list of names, “Here’s people from the office that are qualified to work under you. Maybe after you get the team, the kidnapper will give Son of Anton back.”

Gilfoyle snatched the paper from Dinesh and stormed back to his desk.

His first idea was to go around and hack into Son of Anton to get his access back...but he quickly found out Dinesh already thought of that.

GIlfoyle found Dinesh in the kitchen, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“What?” Dinesh asked innocently as he prepared a latte. 

“You know what you did. You made it so I can’t even hack into Son of Anton.”

Dinesh grabbed his mug from under the frother, “Oh wow. This kidnapper really is diabolical. They knew that would be the first thing you try.”

“I’m going to kill you.” 

Dinesh gave a small cheeky smile before returning to his workstation.

Later that day Dinesh saw several coders working near Gilfoyle’s desk. “So you finally got a team together.” Dinesh was all smug.

GIlfoyle gave his normal resting bitchface, “Yes, now give back Son of Anton.”

“Well that’s the thing.” Dinesh started, Gilfoyle’s brows slightly curled, “As flattered as I am that you think I could pull off something like that...I can’t.” 

Now Gilfoyle was really confused. 

“But they can.” Dinesh gestured to the nearby coders with a smug grin.

Gilfoyle’s face went blank. He looked over, “Is that true?”

“Yeah.” A young girl confirmed.

‘ _ Fuck.’  _ Gilfoyle knew he had lost. He sighed, “Alright. I respect your skills.”

Dinesh’s face lit up realizing he had won. “So you’ll keep the team?”

GIlfoyle glared over at them, “Yes.  _ Only  _ if they perform.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: i don't know shit about engineering or how son of anton works. Between seeing this prank on House and Gilfoyle in 6x2 I just //had// to write this.


	3. The Nerf Gun Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the area gets a very light snow shower, Dinesh says he's always wanted to have a snowball fight.
> 
> This gives Gilfoyle an idea.
> 
> Then things escalate from lighthearted fun to outright combat.

The Bay area was having one of its coldest winters in decades. The entire area was freaking out because it was below 60F. Dinesh and Gilfoyle were walking out to their cars. They were taken aback by the slight dusting of snow lightly covering the cars and concrete in the parking lot.

“Shit, it’s snowing!” Dinesh had seen snow like twice in his life. It was very rare to get snow in California but once in a blue moon they’d get a slight dusting that would shut down the city because they never knew what to do.

Dinesh tried something he had only seen in movies but really wanted to try. As Gilfoyle continued to the car, Dinesh stayed back and discreetly piled together enough snow to form a golf ball sized clumpy sphere-ish shape. “Hey, Gilfoyle!” He turned around and Dinesh threw the tiny snowball at him. 

Because of his recent workout kick Dinesh had developed quite the throwing arm because the snowball hit Gilfoyle square in the face. 

“Really?” Gilfoyle gave his normal resting bitchface, “How old are you? 10?”

“It was fun though. I’ve always wanted to have a snowball fight”

This gave Gilfoyle an idea.

Dinesh was walking into the office the next morning when he felt something large and wet slam against his back. “Ow, the fuck?” He instinctively turned around and saw Gilfoyle holding an automatic snowball launcher.

“You told me that you always wanted to have a snowball fight.”

“The snow already melted. Where the fuck did you get enough to make a ball that big?” Gilfoyle cocked the snowball launcher, “Wait! This isn’t fair! I don’t have any snow!”

“I knew I couldn’t beat you on physicality. So I improvised.” He shot a snowball directly in Dinesh’s face then just kept going until he was out of snowballs. Dinesh fell over as Gilfoyle pelted him.

Dinesh came back to his desk after getting some coffee to find a small box that said “Open Now.” He opened it and a small snowball immediately pelted him in the face. He sighed and turned towards Gilfoyle’s workstation, Dinesh saw Gilfoyle give the smallest of devious smirks. 

“Oh this means war.” 

Dinesh spent the rest of the day researching and plotting. Gilfoyle walked by his desk late that afternoon, “Let me make sure I got this right. You’re planning to fight a Canadian with snow?” Dinesh face fell, “Yeah. You’re going to lose.” 

This back and forth lasted a few days...but it was the last day that really got them in trouble. 

Their weapons of choice moved from snowballs to Nerf guns...then to modified Nerf guns.

It all started when they both quickly realized that regular snowball guns sucked and they had to physically make the amno. So they switched to Nerf guns. When they quickly realized those were shit they started modifying the shit out of them.

Gilfoyle decided that aiming is for people who can’t fire  _ 6 darts a second  _ after modifying it for doubled firing speed using a small car battery.

Dinesh decided to go another route. He bought several hundred foam pellets, two dozen foam discs, and a t-shirt cannon. He’d pour the pellets about half way into the cannon, use a disc to keep them in place. 

So Gilfoyle upped his game. He upped his speed to  _ 12 darts a second _ as well as making them heavier yet faster and much more painful. Dinesh bought a Pucker Chucker that could fire foam pucks. 

This went from light-hearted fun to literal combat.

So Gilfoyle built a fucking under barrel cherry bomb launcher. Dinesh realized the Pucker Chucker could fire actual hockey pucks (which he 100% mocked Gilfoyle with). Gilfoyle created a crude cattle prod from some batteries but it was too close to the muzzle of the gun so every few seconds during their battles, a flaming dart would release. Dinesh built a flamethrower on his gun. 

Dinesh was stalking Gilfoyle with his gun, hoping to catch him off guard. Gilfoyle happened to be in a meeting with his development team in a conference room with glass walls and doors. Although Dinesh thought the door was open. He sent a flaming puck soaring through the glass doors and smacking Gilfoyle in the chest. He crashed to the floor and everyone ran to figure out what the everloving fuck was going on. 

Although Dinesh was using a weak fuel source (little bit of screen cleaner), the flames only lasted a second, but fire still fucking hurts. Dinesh screamed because he didn’t think he had fuel in the barrel, just pucks. He ran in to help as Gilfoyle was laying on the floor wondering the fuck just happened. He swatted Dinesh's hand away as he tried to Gilfoyle up. Gilfoyle stood up and was about to confront Dinesh when he was interrupted.

Because the screams and glass shattering caused many to gather around the conference room. Including Richard and Jared. They looked at what happened and Richard gave them both a murderous glare, “My office. Now. Jared, call HR.”


End file.
